What “Too Much” Often Means
I’ve been called a lot of things over the years.
Intense. Direct. Too much. Too opinionated. Too sensitive. Too intimidating.
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I’ve lost count of how many times someone has told me to "soften," "tone it down," or “read the room.”
But here’s the thing: I am reading the room.
I always have. And sometimes, what I see is that the room is on fire — and everyone is pretending it’s fine because they’re too polite to name the smoke.
If that's too much, so be it.
🧭 Honesty Is Not the Opposite of Kindness
I don’t believe honesty and kindness are opposites. I believe honesty is kindness — when it’s delivered with care, context, and clarity.
But we live in a world — especially in the nonprofit and mission-driven sector — where we mistake politeness for compassion, and conflict avoidance for professionalism.
We create cultures where everyone is expected to smile while silently enduring inefficiency, confusion, and systems that don’t serve anyone — least of all the people we claim to support.
And when someone finally says, “Hey, this process is broken,”
They’re often met with discomfort, defensiveness, and the unspoken accusation: You’re the problem.
What “Too Much” Often Means
Let me decode a few common criticisms:
“You’re too intense.” → You care deeply and don’t pretend otherwise.
“You’re too sensitive.” → You notice things others ignore.
“You’re intimidating.” → You’re competent and clear in a world that equates that with threat.
“You ask too many questions.” → You don’t accept dysfunction as a given.
Often, what people call “too much” is simply a refusal to play along with dysfunction. It’s the courage to tell the truth when it would be easier to stay quiet.
Truth-Telling is a Leadership Skill
Here’s what I’ve learned the hard way:
Telling the truth — especially in broken systems — is a form of leadership. It’s an act of care.
It says: I believe we’re capable of better.
It says: I’m not here to preserve comfort. I’m here to make things work.
And while it won’t always make you popular, it will earn the trust of the people who matter most — the ones doing the work, feeling the friction, carrying the cost of silence.
If You’re “Too Much,” I See You
This is for the ones who were told they had to dilute themselves to fit in.
The ones who ask hard questions in meetings.
The ones who rewrite broken workflows at midnight because their brain won’t let it go.
The ones who are still trying to do good work — and do it without losing themselves.
You are not too much.
You are too honest, too capable, too awake to pretend you don’t see what you see.
And that’s your magic.
What I’m Learning (And Recommitting To)
I don’t need to be palatable to be effective.
I’d rather be misunderstood than dishonest.
I want to build teams and systems that make space for truth, not just agreement.
I want to model that you can be kind, strategic, and take no shit — all at once.
If you’re a fellow truth-teller — then I hope this lands in your bones like a permission slip:
You are not too much. You’re exactly what this moment needs.
